Poker Jokes

Bulldog Poker Player

A guy shows up at his Thursday night poker game with his bulldog. The dog jumps on on an empty seat and the guy buys him some chips. 

As the dealer starts to pass the dog by, the guy says, “Hey, deal my dog in!” 
Everyone looks rather askance but they deal him in. 

To everyone’s surprise, the dog picks up the cards and begins to play! 
After a few hands one of the guys says, “Say, that’s amazing! Your dog ought to be in the Guiness Book of Records!” 

The dog owner says, “Nah, he sees too many flops and is a ****er for a check-raise.”

Casino Poker Card Room – Red Shirt Dog

Upon entering the Casino Poker Card Room, the stranger noticed a sign saying; DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog wearing Red Shirt asleep on the floor besides the cash register. 

He asked the store manager, “Is THAT dog wearing Red Shirt, folks are supposed to beware of?” 

“Yep, that’s him,” he replied. 

The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?” 

“Because”, the owner replied, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”

Dog Gone Poker

A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was playing with extraordinary performance. 

“This is a very smart dog.”, the man commented. 

“Not so smart,” said one of the players. “every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail.”

Dog Poker

Two dog owners were bragging about the intelligence of their pets. “The brightest dog I ever had,” said one, “was a Great Dane that could play cards. He was a whiz at poker, but I had him put to sleep.” “You had him put to sleep, a bright dog like that? A dog like that would be worth a million dollars.” “Had to,” he replied, “Caught him using marked cards!”

Playing Poker with Dog

Judith walked into her living room and saw her brother playing Poker with their dog. “Amazing!” she sputtered. “This must be the smartest dog in the history of the world!” “He’s not so smart,” her brother mumbled. “I’ve beaten him three out of five games so far.”

Poker Players are Never Satisfied

A tinker and his dog enter a bar and discover there is a poker game going in the back room. The tinker’s had a good week so he decides to join in. Most of the players are locals, but one guy, a big winner, is also a stranger in town. The tinker does OK – up a little, down a little, generally holding his own. His dog sits on a chair beside him and watches the game. 

About an hour into the game, the tinker gets a good 7-stud starting hand. On fifth street he makes a club flush. Unfortunately the stranger appears to be working on a spade flush and his highest up card is bigger than the tinker’s highest card. As 7th street is being dealt, the tinker pats his dog on the head and says, “Girl, I sure could use an ace of clubs. ” 

The dog jumps down from the chair, runs around to the stranger and bites his ankle. As the stranger reaches down to grab the dog, a card falls out of his sleeve. The dog quickly picks it up in her mouth and brings it back to her master. The stranger, realizing he’s been caught cheating, leaps up and runs out the door with several locals in pursuit. 

The tinker takes the card from the dog’s mouth and starts to swear, “You stupid, goddamn dog! Can’t you get anything right?”

The barkeep chides him, “Mister, why are you swearing at your dog like that? She just saved you a lot of money by catching that cheat!” 

The tinker responds by throwing the card face up on the table, “I tell her the ace of clubs and what does she bring me but the goddamn ace of spades!”

Red Dog Poker

A Red dog walks into Western Union and asks the clerk to send a telegram. He fills out a form on which he writes down the telegram he wishes to send: “Bow wow Poker, Bow wow Poker.” 

The clerk says, “You can add another “Bow wow’ for the same price.” 

“But,” the dog responded, “wouldn’t that sound a little silly?”